Tag Archives: insecurities

Over-reacting? Or just insecure? [ADVICE NEEDED: PLEASE HELP]

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Is it normal for you to exchange your Facebook passwords with your guy friend? Well, forme something so insignificant as a Facebook password isn’t really a big deal but well he is different and to him it is. Anyhow so we exchanged passwords at the start he had forbidden me to look at his messages but later on he said it was okay and we both read each others conversations and it wasn’t such a big deal because we were open to each other and we trusted each other. But after I read his chat with my best friend, I feel hesitant to log into his ID. See, the other day he called me and he said that he wanted to make her his girlfriend because he felt that she would be serious with him and later that night they were flirting with each other, in a friendly way and they may not have any such intentions but maybe they weren’t and I’m just trying to reassure myself. I just feel so insecure and I have no idea what to do (I have kind of developed feelings for him and she knows about it). Then the other day I logged in to delete some message from our conversation and I read their conversation again and this time he really said it out to her that he would want her to be his girlfriend and she was all armed and ready to flirt. I am kind of stuck here. I have no right whatsoever to talk to either of them about this because 1. I am not his girlfriend to be upset at this and he is not committed to me. 2. I have absolutely no right over them. 3. Who am I the one to poke my nose in their business? 4. What reason do I have to be upset? 

As much as I realize all my faults I can’t seem to help the situation. And now, before I log into his ID even for something important I have to think about it at least ten times. And when I do read their conversations depression sweeps over me. I have no idea what to do. Is it really justified for her to flirt with him even as a joke? What if they accidentally fall in love during this whole joke? Or am I just over-reacting? Should I even care about both of them anymore? Am I being a true friend?

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Under the Mask…

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I am not who i seem to be. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t lie because I like it, I lie to protect myself. I am hidden behind a mask, one that wasn’t created by me in a days time but created on it’s own over the passage of time and lies. It’s not you I don’t trust it’s myself. I fear that you may not like what you will find beneath that mask. I fear being rejected. What if you don’t like what you’ll find? I don’t want to lose you. My mask changes to everybody’s liking. What if what lies underneath is not what you like? I am full of insecurities. I have a lot of confessions to make. I get jealous easily because everybody else is so much better than me.  What if you leave me? What if you get tired of me? There is nothing special about me. I just love you too much and i am possessive about you. I cry myself to sleep. A lot. I feel sorry for who I am. I am not proud of myself. It’s not as if I’ve lied to you about everything but there are are just somethings that, I feel, are better left unspoken, left for you to understand. It has taken a lot of courage for me to tell you all this, to finally break down my mask.