I’ve come to a point where I no longer trust anybody. I don’t let anybody come close to me. Because trust for me is letting someone come close to you and opening yourself up to them. Exposing yourself to them, letting them see your weaknesses, relying on them, depending on them for your happiness and letting them into your heart. Because when they leave, it feels like they took a piece of you away with them, ripped out your heart, you feel exposed like being stripped naked in front of the whole world and the hollow space they leave where they once resided in your heart, aches and burns like it’s on fire and frankly it seems that way as well. And in the end, all you can do is watch them walk away, while you stand amongst the rubble and wreckage of what was once your soul.
I tend to believe in fairy tales, unicorns, dream come true and happy moments that are remembered for life. You can’t blame me, its human nature to want exactly what you don’t have or rather what you can’t have. What I feel is like a picture worth a thousand words but something’s are just better left unsaid, unseen, untouched, unheard, undone, forgotten, understood in one’s mind not expressed in one’s words.
You ask for the truth, not in words nonetheless you demand it, and so you deserve it! Though the truth is yet a mystery, for there is no soul inside to know what the body bears, the heart feels, and the mind thinks. I’ve been stricken with proof of past wars I have fought within, behind every scar there’s a battle I have lost. These battles have become the origin of my denial. These are battles that ripped my soul apart. I never let the hurt show but look deep in my eyes. What do you find other than a shattered heart, unshed tears, unspoken words, unanswered questions, a scarred soul and a broken girl?
I denied this then and I will continue to deny it in the future till eternity, but listen to me when I say this, I am not fine. I’m broken, I’m helpless and I need you, but you are never by my side. Nobody ever is. Who is there for me? To care for me? To dry my tears? And yet, I wait. For you, for someone. But with time, shattered hopes and a broken heart seems like the routine lately. I know you won’t come, but still I like to believe that you will. Because its human nature to fool oneself with happy dreams that may never come true.
And with the passage of time and tears, I have gotten used to dreaming. It’s makes me feel better about life, it gives me a new hope, it’s keeps me going. It’s gives me a break from the hideous reality, to escape to my wonderland Where happiness is no longer rare. So I wipe my tears, plaster a fake, but convincing smile to my face, and move one. It works every time.