Over-reacting? Or just insecure? [ADVICE NEEDED: PLEASE HELP]


Is it normal for you to exchange your Facebook passwords with your guy friend? Well, forme something so insignificant as a Facebook password isn’t really a big deal but well he is different and to him it is. Anyhow so we exchanged passwords at the start he had forbidden me to look at his messages but later on he said it was okay and we both read each others conversations and it wasn’t such a big deal because we were open to each other and we trusted each other. But after I read his chat with my best friend, I feel hesitant to log into his ID. See, the other day he called me and he said that he wanted to make her his girlfriend because he felt that she would be serious with him and later that night they were flirting with each other, in a friendly way and they may not have any such intentions but maybe they weren’t and I’m just trying to reassure myself. I just feel so insecure and I have no idea what to do (I have kind of developed feelings for him and she knows about it). Then the other day I logged in to delete some message from our conversation and I read their conversation again and this time he really said it out to her that he would want her to be his girlfriend and she was all armed and ready to flirt. I am kind of stuck here. I have no right whatsoever to talk to either of them about this because 1. I am not his girlfriend to be upset at this and he is not committed to me. 2. I have absolutely no right over them. 3. Who am I the one to poke my nose in their business? 4. What reason do I have to be upset? 

As much as I realize all my faults I can’t seem to help the situation. And now, before I log into his ID even for something important I have to think about it at least ten times. And when I do read their conversations depression sweeps over me. I have no idea what to do. Is it really justified for her to flirt with him even as a joke? What if they accidentally fall in love during this whole joke? Or am I just over-reacting? Should I even care about both of them anymore? Am I being a true friend?


14 responses »

  1. Why do you need access to each others facebook? My advice is to change yours and get him to do the same…then you’re not tempted to read his conversations and hurting yourself in the process. If your friend already knows you like him, maybe you could tell her you’re concerned about their flirting and ask her is she likes him. That way, at least you’re prepared if they do get together. Hope this helps a little bit 🙂

    • Honestly, exchanging passwords gives him an idea that we are close and I want him to know all the stuff that goes on on my ID. So that part isn’t really a big issue. Secondly if i tell her this she’ll call me jealous and possessive about something that isn’t even mine. But she will continue to flirt. Trust me I’ve done that before. But thanks for the advice. ITtmeans a lot 🙂

      • You need to remind her of ‘the girl code’. My friends would never flirt with a guy they knew I liked. Maybe you should turn to other girl friends for their advice.

      • girl-code? That doesn’t exist for her. I don’t know if it’s something in the air but it doesn’t exist for many of the guys either and trust me that is really unnerving :/ And yes I have talked to my friends (who believe in the girl-code, than God!) But they are powerless in front of her as she does what she likes and no one can make her do something. She may agree to us on our face but she will continue to do as she pleases.

  2. Here are my two cents as a 37 year old female. #1 you are playing with fire. I know you are a teen, I have 2 daughters age 21 and 19 and a son who is 18 in June, but this is not good. You are just setting yourself up for heart break. He and this girl need to know how you feel, they need to change their passwords, and you need to let them have their relationship. If you don’t you will be too tempted to read everything and be hurt. Both need to know how you feel about him (crush) AND their dating. Life is too short and there are WAY more fish in the sea…TRUST ME 🙂 You follow my blog and I am working on a new blog post that will show you just that 🙂 Hang in there….it does get better.

    • Thanks 🙂 I know it does, I just need to let go of all this because I’m too young for games and I need to enjoy my life. Tell me something, would you really call this a crush or maybe I just feel possessive because he is the only guy-bestfriend I have? Part of me wants them to get in a relationship just so that I have a reason to walk away and move on. Right now I’m just hung in mid-air. And I think he knows too, he said that he wouldn’t want a relationship with me because that would ruin the grea friendship that we have and well I kind of appreciate that since I prefer him as a friend too. But at the same time I don’t like other girls flirting with him. It’s compilcated and so confusing 😛

      • I think it’s a bit of both from what I read. You have feeling for him and it’s showing. Try focusing on finding a guy to date 🙂

      • Aren’t I too young to be dating? :p and nobody appeals to me like he does (sadly) 😦

  3. Here’s my opinion: passwords are yours and yours alone. Opening your Facebook conversations up to each other can only cause hurt and misunderstandings. I am married, but even my husband doesn’t know my FB password and I would never give it to him – not because I don’t trust him or because I have secrets, but because I love him and I don’t want him to misunderstand anything I’ve said. Written words can be perceived in so many different ways. If this guy wants your passwords so he can feel close to you, I would suspect he has other reasons for wanting to read your conversations that have nothing to do with “feeling close”. He’s looking for information. Trust me on this. You said yourself you feel depressed after you read his conversations. Doesn’t that tell you something? This can only get ugly in the long run. Don’t do it! Change your password!

    • Thanks! Yeah I found that out when I realized he read all my conversations with my other guyfriends. See this is why I hate facebook. Written words are always taken in the wrong way. It’s best to keep our passwords to ourselves. And I can very well avoid logging into his ID. It’s a waste of time and I get nothing out of it.

  4. [ Smiles ] I am of the opinion that no one should share their passwords; your risk compromising your account by doing that!

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